In the first two years of my conflict-filled divorce, I was horrified to see the name of the person who would soon be my ex-husband in my email box. Emails from him usually contain a piece of information that has something to do with the children but is immediately attached to a very painful personal attack babble. When a person is attacked, instinctively wants to retaliate especially when the attack is based on a lie.
One of the most important survival messages I have ever learned during my four years in divorce court with a narcissist is to trust my truth. Anyone who deals with a narcissistic person or person who likes to conflict knows that they are experts in bestowing their faults on others with dishonesty. They love to bestow their negative truths on their victims. I am often accused of being manipulative, dishonest and uneducated. While I knew that was not true, I was worried that the court would be manipulated to believe my husband’s bad allegations.
The personal disorder of a narcissist
While the personal narcissism of a narcissist is different for each person, explains that the disorder is as follows: The personal disorder of a narcissist is a mental disorder whose sufferer exaggerates their own interests and desperately needs recognition. Those who have the disorder believe that they are superior to others and greatly underestimate the feelings of others. But beneath this ultra-confident mask hides a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Dr. Carole Lieberman, a prominent psychiatrist, explains why people with such disorders are capable of lying so convincingly. Dr. Lieberman explains, “Because a narcissist believes that the world is in their power, or should be, they think they can create their own reality and no one has the right to doubt it. Although they are aware that what they write and talk about is actually out of the truth, they still think they are so smart for it that others will believe in their lies. ”
Dealing with a narcissist is not the work of the weak. While at first seeming skilful and full of charismatic, confronting a narcissist can arouse outrage beyond the control of most people. Such interactions will make the most sane person begin to doubt his reality. When dealing with a narcissist, building a solid foundation is very important – a foundation made of self-consciousness that separates the truth from lies about yourself. Prepare a list of truths and lies and memorize the list – with all your mind, mind and soul. If from this process, you encounter some painful truths, note the truth to be corrected into something positive.
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Write down your truth
My ex-husband always reminds me that I do not have a college degree. He does it via sms, email and orally. That was how he humiliated me during our marriage, passive but aggressive and then during our divorce he attacked verbally or in writing. The truth is: I do not have a degree.
Rewrite the negative truth and turn it into a positive one
My life experience as a business owner starting at the age of 18 teaches me more than can be learned in a four-year college education. I have learned to respect the education and knowledge I have gained from outside the school. I draw on many of the most valuable experiences of life, reading, seminars, observations and wisdom shared by others. I will not swap them with a piece of diploma paper stuck to the wall. The world is full of educated fools and I am not one of them.
Get positive quotes to remind you of your truth
“Educated people are people who learn how to learn and change.” Carl R. Rogers.
“We are a product of bullshit: we go to school, college, and follow the reading club for ten or fifteen years, and finally out with a bag of wind, rote and do not know anything.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
At the beginning of this process I felt the need to defend myself against the allegations sent via email. Now, since I have educated myself for the disorder, I have another approach. I sorted out the relevant emil only and ignored the attack. How can I do it? My foundation is built on my truth.